Your Kosher Horouscope

March 28, 2008

What bigger advantage could a food producer have than being able to know the future? While there is no crystal ball that can tell us what tomorrow will bring, it is possible to get an inkling of what lies in store by reading the signs. As a service to our companies, BTUS is pleased to present Your Kosher Horouscope – a look into what to expect from your OU Kosher program.

The signs of the kosher food zoudiac:
1. Dairies (The Milk Producer)
2. Taurine (The Amino Acid)
3. Gumini (The Confectioner)
4. Cannedcer (The Canner)
5. Leobster (The Non-Kosher Crustacean)
6. Virgoil (The Olive Oil Press)
7. Jellibra (The Condiment Maker)
8. Ascorbio (The Preservative)
9. Spaghettitarius (The Pasta Chef)
10. Popricorn (The Salty Snack)
11. Aquariacetylthiophene (The Flavor Chemist)
12. Piecies (The Baker)

Dairies – A comprehensive review of your production records and Taylor charts is in your future. An unscheduled visitor will arrive at your facility. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. Look forward to a detailed evaluation of your cleaning procedures that will insure that your belly washers are completely non-dairy. Life is good; take pride in your clean and pristine pareve pasteurizer.

Taurine – Raw materials meeting the Schedule A specs will put new energy in your sales. Your workday will be interrupted unexpectedly by a stranger with a beard. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. Loosen up and enjoy your achievements; your customer’s kosher energy drinks will overpower the non-certified competition.

Gumini – Sticky issues will get unstuck with the surprise appearance of a man wearing a hat. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. Chew on the prospect of a simplified system to deal with your kosher requirements. Life will feel sweeter knowing your sweeteners are all on the Schedule A.

Cannedcer – Brite stock will never look so bright as it will after a man appears from out of the blue carrying an updated Schedule B. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. A comprehensive review of your kosher certified lots and labels lies ahead. Relax; days and nights of confused canning codes will soon be a thing of the past.

Leobster – Loneliness, frustration and worry will be your constant companions, as the world runs from your products. No bearded man will arrive to save you from your misguided decision to produce a product that cannot tap into the kosher market. Do not resent the wisdom of your competitors and their foresight; instead, regroup, reformulate and take action. Change can be good; do not fear it. Mock the naysayers by changing to all-kosher mock crab. Then, await a visit from a stranger with a hat. Welcome him! His presence will bring help and guidance in structuring a kosher program and new opportunities in the marketplace. Soon, you will be swimming with the big boys.

Virgoil – victory will ooze from your efforts in kosher. Olive, palm, canola and soy will bring you joy from rising sales and increased market share. A mystery visitor with a Schedule A will show up at your doorstep. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. Together, you will be certain that the tallow has gone fallow. Be slick, Slick – squeeze the seeds of success with kosher oleo in your product folio.

Jellibra – A dreary today will turn to a sunny tomorrow with the unanticipated arrival of a dark suited man armed with a tablet-pc. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. Sour grapes is a thing of the past when you use only concentrate that is strictly kosher. No more playing catch up to stay out of a jam; you’ll be in a position that you will relish.

Ascorbio – Preserving your market share will be a cinch after the unforeseen appearance of a bearded man at your facility. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. A walk through your warehouse will bring new clarity to your ingredients. Stop to enjoy life; your business will be around for years to come with kosher as its catalyst.

Spaghettitarius – Your business might be strung out until a figure shows up without notice at the door of your plant. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. Anticipate a future where your carbs will be complex, but your kosher program is not.

Popricorn – The chips might be down until a very special guest without an appointment materializes at the doorway of your plant. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. Your corn might be curled, and your pretzels might be twisted, but your Schedule B and private labels will be straight on.

Aquariacetylthiophene – Imagine your reaction when an unexpected visitor distills your kosher program into a few easy steps. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. Confounding compounding won’t occur when an expert does you the favor of making sure it is a pareve flavor. With a little guidance, you will know the taste of triumph.

Piecies – Your fortunes will rise dramatically when a mystery visitor with a Schedule A appears at your doorstep. Welcome him! His presence brings help in managing your kosher program and success in the marketplace. No unapproved whey will get in your way when you know that your ingredients match the Schedule A. Relax; keeping to your kosher program will be a piece of cake.